Clusterfuck Update

This is the lazy way out to sum up what has been going on since the last time I posted. Basically I’ve just been too damn lazy, busy, and drunk (though not all at once) to actually sit down and write something. It’s not that I don’t love you (cause you know I do, baby), it’s just that when I have free time I prefer to spend that time attempting to forget my own name.

My parents got into town around 10:00 the night before graduation. To say that I was drunk would be an understatement. My mother was very impressed.

I woke up at the asscrack of dawn for graduation the next day. The first thirty minutes of the ceremony were spent trying my hardest not to vomit.

I woke up at the asscrack of dawn the next day in order to meet my parents for breakfast before they flew home. I wanted to shoot myself in the face. But then my roommate and I had a keg party at our house. This made everything bearable.

I was reminded once more that I do not get along well with kegs. I was also reminded why I rarely do shots of liquor. Several hours later I remembered why, even when I do shots of liquor, I don’t have eight shots coupled with eleventy billion beers.

I woke up around noon the next day. Then I stumbled outside to smoke a cigarette. I then immediately started drinking beer again. This would continue until approximately nine or ten that night. And then I went to the bar.

What followed after that was about a week and a half of non-stop drinking. It was every bit as awesome as I think it was. Try to wrap your head around that statement.

Barbri fucking sucks. Sucks huge sweaty donkey balls. It makes me want to cut myself. Suicide is looking better every day.

This isn’t related at all, but goddamn do I hate Barry Bonds. What a fucking douche.

I flew to my parents’ for my youngest brother’s high school graduation. My flight that Friday was supposed to leave at 5:20. However, that just happened to be the day that FAA computers decided to stop working causing cancellations and massive delays. And then some shitty weather hit. Causing cancellations and massive delays. I originally planned on being at the airport for about an hour and a half. I was stuck there for seven fucking hours. Not. Fucking. Happy.

The only good part that came out of the delay was that I ended up sitting next the hot girl on the airplane. You know, that girl you see in the concourse that is so hot you know there is no chance in hell she will ever end up sitting next to you because you are a waste of space and god hates you? Yeah. She sat next to me. She laughed at my jokes; we stared deeply into each other’s eyes; sparks were flying. Then she blew me during takeoff. Or maybe she went to sleep; I don’t remember which. But I’m telling everyone she blew me. Because I’m that awesome.

Barbri still fucking sucks. A lot. I’m basically paying $2,400 to watch TV and fill in blanks for three hours a day. This is every bit as horrible as it sounds.