Three Long Years: By the Numbers

That’s right, another “By the Numbers” post, but this one comprises, you guessed it you literate douchebags, all three years of law school.

91: Number of credits earned at time of graduation; hopefully
Between 0.00 and 4.00: My GPA
Top 100%: My class rank
75: Approximate percentage of reading assignments completed during 1L year
40: Approximate percentage of reading assignments completed during 2L year
20: Approximate percentage of reading assignments completed during first semester 3L year
2: Exact number of reading assignments completed during second semester 3L year
1: Number of broken bones
1: Number of deviated septums
1: Number of stitches required
1: Number of mild concussions
3: Number of broken teeth
2: Number of months straight I was doped up on Loritabs
2: Number of months I’ve been happy in law school; coincidence?
36: Maximum number of hours ever spent studying for an exam
Between 8 and 16: Usual number of hours spent studying for an exam
0: Grades lower than a “C”
100: On a scale of 1 to 100, with 100 being the greatest, level of surprise that the previous number is lower than 8
1: Number of places I interviewed with
1: Number of places that offered me a job following graduation
Not telling: Number of inches long my uncomfortably large cock is; come find out for yourself
20: Number of in-class exams taken
3: Number of take-home exams taken
0: Number of exams I gave a shit about
3: Number of paper-classes taken
226: Number of pages written for papers, memos, and briefs.
Way too fucking many: Number of pages written for exams
11: Hours of clinical credit
11: Total credit hours of classes that were actually useful
7: Approximate number of hours spent per day in the library 1L year
2: Approximate number of hours spent per day in the library 2L year
0: Exact number of times I’ve been in the library 3L year
6: Approximate number of classes where I bought the book and opened the book fewer than three times
6: Approximate number of classes where I should have bought Bourbon instead of the book
2: Number of times I pretended to be absent when called in class
Unsure: Number of times I was called on after not having read
0: Number of times I apologized for having not read
6: Approximate number of times I cursed in class (curse words included fuck, shit, batshit crazy, ass-backwards, and others)
8 billion: Amount of money, in dollars, spent on alcohol and cigarettes
7: Amount of money, in dollars, spent on food which did not fall under the “bad for you” food category
100: Percent chance I will be tanked at graduation
At least 2: Number of days I will be tanked preceding graduation
At least 3: Number of days I will be tanked following graduation
2: Number of days I will be tanked that coincide with my family’s visit
100: Percent chance I will say something that offends my mother
78: Percent chance that the comment will involve sex
95: Percent chance that my father and all three of my brothers will laugh
99: Percent chance my mother will give me a dirty look
99.9: Percent chance my mother will tell me to shut up
10:00: Time graduation starts Saturday morning
8:30: Time I’m supposed to be there all dressed up for some stupid fucking picture
7:45: Time I should probably wake up to make it there by 8:30
4:00: Expected bedtime night before graduation
18: Expected number of comments I will receive that I “look tired” or wondering “how late were you up last night?”
10: Number of days off after graduation until BarBri starts
0: Number of days following graduation, out of ten days off, that my BAC will dip below .15.
11: Number of days following graduation until I start bitching about the law again. Fucking bar.