Bedroom Humor

After reading up on my Humor Trumps All Theorem I received an email asking if I really made jokes while in the bedroom. To answer briefly, of course I do.

To answer not briefly, goddamn, of course I do. Not only do I make jokes in the bedroom before and after sex (note: my favorite after-sex-joke is to walk up behind the still naked girl, pat her on the ass a few times, and tell her "good game"), but I’ve also been known to stop in the middle of sex just to attempt humor. Jokes made during sex are met with laughter, a glare and an instruction to “Shut the fuck up and keep going you goddamn asshole,” or snoring and drooling (depending on how drunk/passed out the girl is).

As an example for everyone, I was having sex with this girl who, many hours beforehand, made it clear that she didn’t want to worry about me getting “clingy.” After I stopped laughing I assured her that she need not worry because, as my friends repeatedly remind me, I don’t have a “heart” or “soul” or “emotions” or “feelings.” This set me up for a perfect joke many hours later.

We were having sex on her bed and I was on top. We had been going at it for a while when I suddenly stopped moving completely and stared deeply into her eyes (a Fabio-esque seductive stare; but much more seductive and sexy; and with an uncomfortably large cock). I looked in her eyes for about five seconds and said, in a soft loving voice, “So . . . I was thinking . . . we should have a spring wedding . . .”

I found it oddly hilarious.

I think she told me to shut up and keep going.