Evangelicals

Evangelical #1: Excuse me, can I ask you a question?
NDC: It’s a little late for permission, isn’t it?
Evangelical #2: Huh?
NDC: You see, you just asked if you could ask me a question; that is itself a question. You should have asked if you could have a minute of my time. Or you should have asked if you could ask me two questions. That would still be presumptive of you, but at least if I said yes then you already have permission to ask me the question you really wanted to ask me.
E#1: Um. Ok. May I have a minute of your time?
NDC: Sure man. What’s up?
E#1: Are you religious?
NDC: No.
E#1: Not at all?
NDC: Not in the least. I’m an atheist.
E#1: Really?
NDC: No; not really. I’m just shitting with you. Yes, really.
E#1: So you don’t believe in god?
NDC: Oh shit, of course I believe in god; everyone has heard of and seen god.
E#1: Are you kidding me?
NDC: No man. I love god. Haven’t you ever heard “Layla?”
E#1: What?
E#2: Wait; The song by Eric Clapton?
NDC: Is there any other?
E#1: [Pause; quizzical look] Are you telling me you think Eric Clapton is god?
NDC: No, not at all. I’m telling you that Clapton IS god.
E#1: But that doesn’t make any sense at all.
NDC: What the fuck is wrong with you man? Don’t you dare say that about god ever again. Everyone knows that Clapton is god.
E#1: No. No he’s not. God is responsible for creating the world and all the life upon it. Without god you wouldn’t be here today. God loves you unconditionally as long as you repent. There’s still time for you to go to heaven.
NDC: Holy shit! Have you never heard of the Yardbirds? John Mayall and the Bluesbreakers? Cream? Derek and the Dominos? Clapton’s entire solo career? That is god.
E#1: I think you’re really get...
NDC: I hate to interrupt you, but do you really really believe that something other than a divine being could create “Sunshine of Your Love,” “Crossroads,” “After Midnight,” “Cocaine,” and “Wonderful Tonight?”
E#2: He does have a good point man.
NDC: Your goddamn right I have a good point. His son fucking died man. Fucking dead. Fell out of a goddamn window. The sacrifice of his son gave us “Tears in Heaven.” What has your so-called “god” ever done for society? Start a few wars? Allow death and destruction to take over the world?
E#1: [......]
NDC: Damn straight you’re speechless. I mean fuck man, have you ever heard “While My Guitar Gently Weeps?” Clapton took the Beatles, one of the most overrated bands ever (aside from George Harrison), and fucking made that song gold. Clapton could shit diamonds if he wanted to.
E#1: You know, I think I see where you’re coming from.
NDC: I knew you’d come around.
E#1: What have I been doing with my fucking life all these years?
NDC: Unless you’ve dedicated your life to Clapton, you’ve wasted it.
E#2: Man, that’s harsh.
NDC: I know, but just like Clapton, I won’t lie to you or sugarcoat anything.
E#1: Long live Clapton man.
NDC: A-fucking-men. Make sure you guys pray to Slowhand before you go to sleep tonight.
E#1: Tonight I will pray to the one true god.
NDC: I’m glad I could make a difference in your life. Peace out.