A Typical Day In The Life Of A 3L
Just to give all those 1Ls and 2Ls hope that everything gets better with time:
4:52 a.m.: Wake up passed out on my bed fully clothed with the light still on wondering when and how I got home
4:53 a.m.: Stand up, turn off the light, and climb back into bed; still fully clothed
4:53:30 a.m.: Take off my socks; much better
5:15 a.m.: Nausea hits; roll onto my other side; back to sleep
9:05 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:07 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:09 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:10 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:12 a.m. until 9: 45 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:49 a.m.: Realize that my alarm has been going off and that I need to get up; get out of bed, take my clothes off and stumble to the shower
10:03 a.m.: Fucking hell I don’t want to go to class today;
10:12 a.m.: Stop at the gas station to pick up powerade in order to make the hangover go away
10:15 a.m.: Make it to the parking deck; find a spot and walk to class; realize I forgot to put on socks
10:25 a.m.: Stumble into the classroom with five minutes to spare; hope nobody can tell I’m still drunk
10:26 a.m.: Friend walks into the classroom and says, “Jesus Christ; you look like shit and you reek of Bourbon.” My response: There’s a good reason for that; yesterday was a Wednesday
10:30 a.m.: Class starts; time to check my email and nap.
11:45 a.m.: Class is finally over; my notes for this class consist of “Why won’t he shut the fuck up?”
11:47 a.m.: Run downtown to have a couple drinks; this day is going to suck if I’m sober
12:15 p.m.: Time to head back to class; that shot of Jager was probably a bad idea
12:30 p.m.: Back in class; I have no idea what class; Jager was a good idea
12:52 p.m.: Professor attempts to call on me; I start laughing as soon as he says my name; Professor asks why I’m laughing; I let him know, “Because you have this weird deluded belief that not only have I bought the book but that I took the time to read whatever it is that you assigned. I’m a 3L now; don’t bother calling on me for the entire semester.”
12:53 p.m.: Get up and leave the classroom because Professor doesn’t take attendance
12:55 p.m.: Head downtown to the bar for several cocktails
3:20 p.m.: Over three hours and ten drinks later and it’s time to head back to class
3:21 p.m.: Almost trip over my own feet while standing up; sit back down
3:22 p.m.: Decide that in order to preserve my own health it would be better to skip my class; head to the bar
3:28 p.m.: Walk inside the bar; Cordially greet the bartender with, “Bitch, you better shut the fuck up and make me a drink or I’ll will punch you right in the cooter.”
3:29 p.m.: Bartender responds, “You fucking bearded motherfucker; if you don’t shut the fuck up right now I will kick your ass right out of this bar.” Respond to the bartender, “You’ll do no such thing; how the fuck do you think you’ll be able to pay your rent if I stop showing up? Now less talking and more drink making; snap to it.”
3:30 p.m.: Start sipping on my Bourbon and coke; it’s going to be a good day
3:35 p.m.: Time for shots
4:22 p.m.: Drunk dialing starts
4:35 p.m.: Note to self: do not, I repeat, do not call your parents when you’ve been drinking
4:38 p.m.: Note to self: call your mother tomorrow to reassure her you that did not have a threesome with hookers and that you have never done meth
5:15 p.m.: The yelling starts; time to make fun of everyone I see
5:17 p.m.: To girl walking by with very short skirt, “Excuse me, your vagina is showing.”
5:18 p.m.: To homeless guy that asks for fifty cents, “Can you break a hundred?”
5:19 p.m.: To girl wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, “Forgot your feedbag again?”
5:20 p.m.: To girl wearing slutty red dress, “Rooooooooooxanne.”
5:22 p.m.: Retreat inside before I cause some trouble; reclaim my seat at the bar
5:30 p.m.: Flaming Dr. Pepper
5:40 p.m.: Irish Car Bomb
5:58 p.m.: Sweet; they’re playing Bon Jovi; time to sing along
5:59 p.m.: Bartender tells me to shut the fuck up; continue singing
6:05 p.m.: Bartender threatens to stop serving me if I don’t stop singing; singing ceases immediately
6:10 p.m.: Wander around the bar to find some random people to talk to
6:12 p.m.: Success; I have no idea who the fuck these people are, but they are now stuck with me
8:26 p.m.: I have no idea what I’ve been doing for the past two hours; the people I was talking to have left; I am now playing pool with people I’ve never met
8:45 p.m.: Best game of pool ever; I can barely stand up yet somehow I managed to run six balls in a row; I’m good with the wood and the balls; laugh hysterically at my own joke
8:52 p.m.: Park myself on a stool outside next to people I don’t know; proceed to chain smoke and entertain the random people
8:53 p.m.: Sweet; they love it when I make fun of people; this should be fun
8:55 p.m.: Note to self: they do not love it when I call them dirty teasing cunts
9:54 p.m.: Really? They’re still talking to me? What the fuck is wrong with these people
9:02 a.m.: Holy shit; where the fuck am I? This looks like my room; how the fuck did I get home; I don’t remember seeing [roommate] last night; please don’t let my car be outside; where the fuck are my pants?
9:03 a.m.: Sweet; my car isn’t here
9:04 a.m.: Beer shits
9:08 a.m.: Nap time
9:45 a.m.: Beer shits
9:56 a.m.: Nap time
10:59 a.m.: Beer shits
11:15 a.m.: Nap time
11:45 a.m.: Fuck; I guess I’ll go to some classes today
11:48 a.m. until liver gives out: Lather, rinse, repeat.
4:52 a.m.: Wake up passed out on my bed fully clothed with the light still on wondering when and how I got home
4:53 a.m.: Stand up, turn off the light, and climb back into bed; still fully clothed
4:53:30 a.m.: Take off my socks; much better
5:15 a.m.: Nausea hits; roll onto my other side; back to sleep
9:05 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:07 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:09 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:10 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:12 a.m. until 9: 45 a.m.: Alarm goes off; hit snooze
9:49 a.m.: Realize that my alarm has been going off and that I need to get up; get out of bed, take my clothes off and stumble to the shower
10:03 a.m.: Fucking hell I don’t want to go to class today;
10:12 a.m.: Stop at the gas station to pick up powerade in order to make the hangover go away
10:15 a.m.: Make it to the parking deck; find a spot and walk to class; realize I forgot to put on socks
10:25 a.m.: Stumble into the classroom with five minutes to spare; hope nobody can tell I’m still drunk
10:26 a.m.: Friend walks into the classroom and says, “Jesus Christ; you look like shit and you reek of Bourbon.” My response: There’s a good reason for that; yesterday was a Wednesday
10:30 a.m.: Class starts; time to check my email and nap.
11:45 a.m.: Class is finally over; my notes for this class consist of “Why won’t he shut the fuck up?”
11:47 a.m.: Run downtown to have a couple drinks; this day is going to suck if I’m sober
12:15 p.m.: Time to head back to class; that shot of Jager was probably a bad idea
12:30 p.m.: Back in class; I have no idea what class; Jager was a good idea
12:52 p.m.: Professor attempts to call on me; I start laughing as soon as he says my name; Professor asks why I’m laughing; I let him know, “Because you have this weird deluded belief that not only have I bought the book but that I took the time to read whatever it is that you assigned. I’m a 3L now; don’t bother calling on me for the entire semester.”
12:53 p.m.: Get up and leave the classroom because Professor doesn’t take attendance
12:55 p.m.: Head downtown to the bar for several cocktails
3:20 p.m.: Over three hours and ten drinks later and it’s time to head back to class
3:21 p.m.: Almost trip over my own feet while standing up; sit back down
3:22 p.m.: Decide that in order to preserve my own health it would be better to skip my class; head to the bar
3:28 p.m.: Walk inside the bar; Cordially greet the bartender with, “Bitch, you better shut the fuck up and make me a drink or I’ll will punch you right in the cooter.”
3:29 p.m.: Bartender responds, “You fucking bearded motherfucker; if you don’t shut the fuck up right now I will kick your ass right out of this bar.” Respond to the bartender, “You’ll do no such thing; how the fuck do you think you’ll be able to pay your rent if I stop showing up? Now less talking and more drink making; snap to it.”
3:30 p.m.: Start sipping on my Bourbon and coke; it’s going to be a good day
3:35 p.m.: Time for shots
4:22 p.m.: Drunk dialing starts
4:35 p.m.: Note to self: do not, I repeat, do not call your parents when you’ve been drinking
4:38 p.m.: Note to self: call your mother tomorrow to reassure her you that did not have a threesome with hookers and that you have never done meth
5:15 p.m.: The yelling starts; time to make fun of everyone I see
5:17 p.m.: To girl walking by with very short skirt, “Excuse me, your vagina is showing.”
5:18 p.m.: To homeless guy that asks for fifty cents, “Can you break a hundred?”
5:19 p.m.: To girl wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots, “Forgot your feedbag again?”
5:20 p.m.: To girl wearing slutty red dress, “Rooooooooooxanne.”
5:22 p.m.: Retreat inside before I cause some trouble; reclaim my seat at the bar
5:30 p.m.: Flaming Dr. Pepper
5:40 p.m.: Irish Car Bomb
5:58 p.m.: Sweet; they’re playing Bon Jovi; time to sing along
5:59 p.m.: Bartender tells me to shut the fuck up; continue singing
6:05 p.m.: Bartender threatens to stop serving me if I don’t stop singing; singing ceases immediately
6:10 p.m.: Wander around the bar to find some random people to talk to
6:12 p.m.: Success; I have no idea who the fuck these people are, but they are now stuck with me
8:26 p.m.: I have no idea what I’ve been doing for the past two hours; the people I was talking to have left; I am now playing pool with people I’ve never met
8:45 p.m.: Best game of pool ever; I can barely stand up yet somehow I managed to run six balls in a row; I’m good with the wood and the balls; laugh hysterically at my own joke
8:52 p.m.: Park myself on a stool outside next to people I don’t know; proceed to chain smoke and entertain the random people
8:53 p.m.: Sweet; they love it when I make fun of people; this should be fun
8:55 p.m.: Note to self: they do not love it when I call them dirty teasing cunts
9:54 p.m.: Really? They’re still talking to me? What the fuck is wrong with these people
9:02 a.m.: Holy shit; where the fuck am I? This looks like my room; how the fuck did I get home; I don’t remember seeing [roommate] last night; please don’t let my car be outside; where the fuck are my pants?
9:03 a.m.: Sweet; my car isn’t here
9:04 a.m.: Beer shits
9:08 a.m.: Nap time
9:45 a.m.: Beer shits
9:56 a.m.: Nap time
10:59 a.m.: Beer shits
11:15 a.m.: Nap time
11:45 a.m.: Fuck; I guess I’ll go to some classes today
11:48 a.m. until liver gives out: Lather, rinse, repeat.
posted by Naked Drinking Coffee at 9/19/2006 04:05:00 PM
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